What is the trigger for an extramarital affair?

Whether an affair with somebody apart from your spouse is blatantly sexual or just mere infatuation, it should be taken as a warning indication that all is not well in a marriage. The reason for such affairs generally originates from some unfulfilled emotional or physical need inside a marriage. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a result, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.

There are in essence 7 major reasons (or excuses) given by a wayward spouse for indulging in an illicit affair. They are:

1. There is no joy or love left in our marriage.
2. I was coerced into temptation by the other person in the illicit relationship.
3. I was upset because my partner and I hadn’t had sex for a long time.
4. Alcohol was the problem. I just lose all my inhibitions after a drink or two.
5. My ex wanted to come back to me so I was tempted into an affair with them.
6. I go away on regular business trips so my opportunities for intimacy at home are limited.
7. My spouse suffers from a painful health condition and is not able to meet my needs for intimacy.

Some of the above may not be able to be resolved. However If both spouses have decided that they are bent on surviving infidelity and really want to rescue their marriage  then consideration needs to be given to several factors, for example:

  • If the innocent spouse has had sexual intercourse with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be wise to have a medical check to find out whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is an issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important to determine whether there has been any possible transmission of some kind of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
  • The matter of trust also needs to be given careful thought. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have done to me and our family?
  • Is it really possible for my spouse to break off the illicit relationship, or not to be lured into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will definitely remain faithful in the future?
  • Consideration needs to be given to involving a third party to provide marriage counseling to ensure that there is truly a determination on the part of both parties to make the marriage work and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite testing for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the issues associated with this subject on their own.

If you are the innocent party and are prepared to forgive your partner, and giving your marriage another go, there may very well be a distinct possibility of achieving this if:

  • Your spouse voluntarily confessed to the affair to you.
  • They are open under questioning about it.
  • They have told you that they are repentant for having strayed.
  • They have agreed to end all contact with the other party.
  • They have agreed to take part in counseling.

An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the finish of a marriage if you both truly have the desire and the inclination to repair your relationship then marriage reconciliation is wholly possible.

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