While many extramarital affairs end up in court houses and eventually in divorce, there are couples who still prefer to work things out, together. Forgiving your spouse is not easy; most of the time, it takes time and too much emotional stress to even get to the point of acceptance, but not necessary forgiveness. Surviving an affair may even end up as failure. But, those who survive an affair offer good lessons to those who are just beginning to heal the wounds.

1. End the affair right away. Yes, this is the first thing you have to do. Remember that your partner is still in doubt so you want to start the rebuilding process, everything must be stopped from meeting, sex, dinner, phone calls, emails, to texting. End everything, period.

2. Do not rush. There is no shortcut to heal the pain and receive forgiveness right away. Your partner may be in deep pain, expect that it will take time before you can receive forgiveness.

3. Be accountable. Pressing all the blame to your spouse will not do anything good. If you want to begin the process of healing, it is now time to listen. If you are the guilty party, accept the responsibility and constantly reassure your partner that you will not have an affair again.

4. Listen and answer his or her questions. The healing process is much easier when the adulterous partner spouse answers all the questions requested by his or her betrayed partner.

If you have been secretive all your life, now is the time to reveal your secrets. Not hiding anything to your spouse promises a better healing process.

5. Submit yourself wholy to your spouse. Whether you are the betrayed partner, you have a better chance of rebuilding your marriage when you submit yourself completely and promise not to have an affair again. When rebuilding your relationship, have the time to listen to your partner even if it takes a while.

6. Don’t forgive too easily. Saving your marriage involves forgiving your adulterous spouse, but forgiveness must still be earned. Overcome the pain first, then begin to rebuild your trust. Offer forgiveness after you have overcome the pain.

7. Look for support. Reconnect with relatives and friends who can help you get through the process and help you feel less isolated.

8. Get invovled with things that will not remind you about the bad memories of the affair. Spend moments with your friends and partner doing things you used to enjoy.

9. Expect pain.

Surviving an affair is not an easy process; it comes with rage, pain and tears.Ready yourself to face and survive them all.

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